It is great to be back in Sydney, see my parents and cat, and talk to my friends however I still find myself missing some aspects of Japan. I feel slightly displaced at the moment; neither here in Australia but neither in Japan. A lot of people who have completed their ICS have said that it is always a little bit weird at first when they come home. I guess I now know how they feel; my mind keeps on drifting back to my Japan life and the niche that I had carved out for myself. I’m not sure how long it is going to last.
It got me thinking – I was thinking that the only proof that I had of my time in Japan are my memories (and tons of photos). Before I left, I had to close down my bank account, cancel my phone, give back my alien registration card; in essence wipe all physical evidence of my life and existence from Japan. In retrospect, that makes me feel really sad; it was like I was never there. I hope that I had left a big enough impression on my friends there for them to remember me but time can dull a lot of memories. I suppose this is where Facebook, chat and emails come in to help keep in contact with each other but it is never the same as actually talking to them face-to-face.
While I was out at dinner tonight, a couple sat down and were speaking in Japanese. The cool thing was that I could understand them. The uncool thing was that it made me miss being in Japan. How ironic; I gripped so long and so hard about not understanding Japanese while I was in Japan but then when I’m not there, I suddenly miss listening and speaking Japanese. I am so weird. In addition, I have fears that my Japanese skills will deteriorate since I’m no longer in an every-day Japanese environment. Even though I will be taking Japanese this year, I somehow doubt the three hours of class will be enough for me. Oh, I don’t know; right now my mind is everywhere! I’m confused about my future and I feel nostalgic and melancholic. I hope I can sort myself out sometime soon.
