The art of conversation

A smart kid told me yesterday that a good conversationalist is a person that “creates an environment that people feel comfortable to talk in”. It struck me as something really wise and profound because I never really thought about talking and the art of conversation in that way. No doubt about it, I like to talk and I talk loud. I am pretty expressive with my opinions and I’ve been told that sometimes I can be bordering on obnoxious. Ouch, truth hurts but it is a fair criticism. But then it got me thinking on a multicultural level…

As a nation, my opinions about Australian people is that we are a fairly extroverted bunch of people. We talk a lot and we always want to make our voices heard. We can use quite a bit of profanity, usually say things pretty bluntly and talk to fill in the silences even if we just natter on. I know I am currently making a stereotype that encompasses all Australians and might not necessarily be 100% accurate but for the sake of simplicity, let’s keep it at that.

Then we got the Japanese. My image of them as a whole is that they do express their opinions but gently and softly. They word them in such a way to give the least offence and cause the least amount of hurt to the person. They talk a lot and have the same conversations but in a more genteel manner or so I think. According to Swedish Peter, his lot is fairly the same. Talk less but talk quality; more silences and only initiating conversation when there is something worthwhile to say. Once again, I reiterate that I am working on a general stereotype and that it might not apply to everyone.

This then brings me to my point of multicultural differences. To a Japanese or Swedish person who doesn’t talk as much, an Australian person can seem to be a chatterbox and overly pushy with their opinions. Too loud, too brash, too much. That being said, the opposite can also be true. To an Australian, they might think that Japanese people need to express their views more strongly and loudly so that they can be heard over the crowd. And here is where the biggest difference is obvious. What crowd? If everyone speaks softly, a person can always be heard. But if a person is brought up in a culture where everyone speaks loudly, then that person needs to speak even louder to be heard. Neither way is right or wrong, it is just they way each culture shapes itself; the uniqueness of multicultural diversity.

However, I think that everyone needs to understand that and have more patience and understanding when dealing with a foreign person with a foreign background and another way of doing things. Being in Japan has made this a little bit more obvious for me but it still takes a lot of conscious effort for me to think like this, even after eight months. I’m pretty sure that I’ve stepped on many a toe but unfortunately, you can’t really please everyone and not everyone is going to like you. Maturity is being able to accept it and move on.

Assumptions based on looks

One thing that never fails to make me smile is that whenever I go out with my friends and we come across a situation where we have to talk to a Japanese person, that person will always address me or Kylie. We both look very Asian among all these blonde foreign guys so their impression is that we are Japanese or that we can speak it fluently. Ha ha ha, how wrong they are! I always get a giggle because I know that in our international group, I could name a few people that speak Japanese much better than me. So whenever these situations come up, I’ll just smile and nod and then cast my eyes to someone who knows more Japanese – it usually works.

On the other hand, my American friend, Jeff, has the opposite problem. He speaks good Japanese but Japanese people always try to speak to him in English. I understand that they are just trying to be helpful and they wouldn’t know that he can speak well but this situation always frustrates Jeff. Even after he talks to them and establishes the fact that he can speak and understand Japanese, it still doesn’t really register for them just because he looks Caucasian and by default, of course can’t speak Japanese.

Two similar problems but with opposite properties; assumptions just based on the way we look. I don’t really mind it so much; it always amuses me, but it can be somewhat annoying and discouraging for others because no one acknowledges their hard-earned language skills. Cliche but never judge a book by its cover!

Nostalgia

I was talking to Kylie last night about our assignments and eventually our conversation turned towards our impending return to Sydney. Our year is almost up, our time here is almost done. It actually made me pretty sad when I stopped to think about it properly. I kind of don’t want to leave because I am really enjoying my year here. Now I finally get what Jeanette was saying about leaving Gifu. You don’t want to.

My studies are fairly easy and the only thing I have to worry about are my UTS assignments. I have a great set of friends here and I enjoy living in a dorm, well except climbing the 5 sets of stairs multiple times everyday. And the gross kitchen and shower. And the biking everywhere. But besides that, life here is pretty simple and calm. If you have enough funds, you never wish for anything and everything you want to do is within reach. You hardly have any responsibilities but your own, and you really only answer to yourself. Yeah sure I miss my family, my cat (ooh Maxie, I’ll see you soon), and the convenience of my own home but it means I’m trading my life here for my life back home. I guess life is all about the sacrifice and the gains. Sometimes though, I just wish I could have both.

Japan, I’ve only been on your shores for what seems like a drop in the vast ocean of time but already you have claimed a small piece of my heart. I hope we shall meet again (with me being able to speak better Japanese the next time, ha ha ha!).

Re-entry permits

I went to the immigration office yesterday to apply for my re-entry permits since I was going to be leaving the country during the winter holidays. You need this permit to be allowed back into Japan once you leave and they come in either single entry or multiple entries. I never really got the point of these permits and personally I think it is just the Japanese government’s way of collecting more money from foreigners. Japanese passport holders can come and go as they please. And I’ve never heard of any other country that adheres to this silly re-entry permit thing. Certainly not Australia!

The most annoying thing about this situation is that I had already applied for a single re-entry a couple months back when I went back to Australia for the summer holidays. Now I have to do it again, this time for a multiple since I’ll be traveling out twice. I could have saved myself 3,000 yen if I had applied for a multiple permit the first time around but I guess that was my own fault since I didn’t foresee that I would be traveling outside of Japan again before I went home. What a waste though, especially now the exchange rate is so bad!

Well anyway, besides getting your re-entry permits done (the immigration office is right behind Gifu Station, next to the manga store), you also have to sign a form at the International Student Exchange Division telling them that you are leaving the country. It doesn’t take long but it is a hassle to track down your student adviser and ask them to sign your permission slip. I guess it is so they can say they weren’t responsible if anything happened to you since you were out of the country and out of their jurisdiction. Smart, covering their backs.

All of these procedures feel very Japanese-ish and their love of beauracracy and doing every thing the right and proper way. It makes a lot of sense in the long run but when you are the one that has to run around needlessly, it kind of stinks. Just my opinion.

A blow for feminism

I was interviewing my tutor the other day for my UTS final research project. It is going to be based on whether there was any correlation between gender stereotypes depicted in shoujo manga and whether it exerted any influence on the real world. Everything started out fine and I was asking her some basic questions before we moved on to the harder stuff. Then we get to question 15:

Do you think these stereotypical depictions, especially of female characters, is an accurate mirror of real life?

She answers, “…and I believe [in shoujo manga] that boys are stronger than girls. Girls are very weak, even in real life…” Hm, yes, yes…wait a minute, WHAT?! Just in case I didn’t hear correctly, I asked her the same question but in a slightly different way and the answer was still the same. Alrighty then. I think feminism in Japan just took a step backwards. Oh dear.

Of course biologically, I understand that boys are going to be stronger than girls. They have a higher level of testosterone that allows them to build and keep more muscle mass. Throwback from the time when they were monkeys trying to hunt for food. LOL. But girls have other strengths in other areas which boys don’t and therefore I think we balance out each other pretty well.

Even Peter was surprised with her answer (he was acting as my translator). He comes from Sweden which is one of the most gender equal country in the world. They are so equal over there that in 2007, a group of women campaigned to be allowed to go topless at their local swimming pool because men do. They won. And Australia is not that far behind, sort of. It isn’t as equal as Sweden but we’re doing okay when compared to other countries in the world.

So we were both suitably shocked when we heard my tutor’s answer but I guess that was because we were both working within our own personal “equality” construct. When you are used to a more equal environment and then be suddenly confronted with another way of thought, it can sometimes throw you off the loop. But we are living in Japan, and it is still a highly patriarchal society so I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that these values still exist.

I mean for example, the university gym. I go to the gym often and most of the time, the only other people there are guys. Not only that, the gym equipment is definitely geared towards the strength capabilities of guys. All the barbells are a minimum of 20 kilograms and there is only a bench press bench, no other benches. Even though 20kgs isn’t a lot for guys, you would have to be a pretty strong girl to lift that without any prior training. And one thing is for sure – Japanese girls aren’t built very sturdily. But still, what do you do if you are a girl and you need to start on some lighter weights? The university should take girls into consideration whenever they buy new equipment.

I don’t agree with my tutor’s answer but neither is it my place to judge because this is not my society. I am an outsider here and if that is the way their culture works, then so be it. However that doesn’t mean I can’t help implement the change towards a more equal society though. Even the old suffragettes had to start somewhere, eh?